Callan…Coffee…Contemplation for the Week of May 4th
When the Leader Becomes the Lesson
When I was struggling to identify my core philosophy on leadership, and the end state of my leadership course, I wanted to identify a phrase suggesting what I believed was the highest manifestation of leadership excellence. I finally chose, When The Leader Becomes the Lesson. I didn’t select this phrase because I thought it had any marketing value. I chose it because I believe our highest aim as leaders is to leave to others the lesson of our life and how we lived it. The greatest gift we’ll ever give to those we lead, those we love, those we coach, and those we teach, is the example of a continuously confronted and mastered life. If we rightly put our focus on mastering ourselves, developing genuine inner authority and a rich inner life, then the example we leave, much like footprints in the sand, remains long after we are gone to help guide those who follow. The totality of our life, its ups and downs and twists and turns, defines and ultimately makes us, if we let it. The lesson is the person. The message is their life honed over a lifetime of struggle and mastery. The smallest part is what we teach; the greatest part is who we were and how we lived.
Inner Cohesion
When I think of truly masterful leaders I find in each a kind of inner cohesion distinguishing them from the rest. This inner cohesion, a kind of moral and principled center, allows these leaders to avoid the disjointed behavior typifying mediocre leaders. Masterful leaders are deeply rooted and have internal integration in which how they see themselves, how they see the world, and how they interact in the world, are one. Inner cohesion produces resonance and authenticity. When we perceive these qualities in a leader we connect to, and are inspired by, them, because their message and their behavior are aligned. Leaders with inner cohesion are not easily buffeted by headwinds; they do not fall apart when things get tough and they do not sacrifice honor for glory. And interestingly, they tend to be humble and generous people, prone to restraint, dignity, a generous nature, and respect. Inner cohesion comes from a confronted life; a willingness to challenge our inner motives and master ourselves, so that we gradually summon forth our best self and our most honorable behavior.
Self-Respect Versus Self-Esteem
What’s the difference between self-respect and self-esteem? In the past, the virtue of self-respect was prized, where today it seems self-esteem is the goal. You know; everyone gets a trophy. I’m not sure exactly when this transition from respect to esteem happened, but I am sure the difference matters especially for leaders seeking to create heroic cultures. Self-respect, a by-product of inner growth, comes from realizing, and accepting, we are broken and bent, and then, through long periods of confrontation and conversion, gaining quiet confidence in knowing we can overcome our crookedness and live more upright lives. A person gains self-respect from overcoming inner weaknesses. The question isn’t, what makes me happy? It is: what does life require of me? Self-esteem, conversely, comes from outer comparison. Am I as good as others? Do I get respected like others? Esteem is a feel good, not a do good, lens. Self esteem is a brittle, thin, and ultimately character-destroying paradigm. Self-respect is born from a transforming crucible that elevates us; self-esteem mires us in mediocrity because it questions why there needs to be a crucible at all.
Rich Soil
An ecosystem is a good metaphor for healthy organizations. Too often, however, we tend to use the opposite—an industrial metaphor–which works fine when generating widgets but badly for cultivating human relationships. In an ecosystem, we see how independent subsystems come together artfully to form a larger, wiser, and more effective whole. Each part matters and the excellence of the ecosystem is derived from the equilibrium within, and between, the systems. So, we need to see ourselves as cultivators of our organizational ecosystems. And where do we start? By tilling rich soil. The soil of our groups is made of foundational and perennial elements like ethos, meaning, and purpose. Rich soil produces the galvanizing why around which any how can be confronted and managed. In this role of cultivator, leaders should look for these three qualities to see if they are succeeding: camaraderie, companionship, and gratitude. If we see those three sprouts then we know our subsoil is healthy and we’ll have the shared intentionality that has, and always will, define champions.
The Perennial Campaign
As a Marine the term campaign became a fixture in my lexicon. It is a great word for it so perfectly evokes the art of conceptualizing an end state and then calling forth the many disparate actions that must be harmonized to achieve success. A campaign requires brutal honesty; we must understand ourselves and our foe, internal and external factors, time and space, resources and will. I think of life and leadership through the lens of a campaign. The journey to self mastery, to excellence of character, is the perennial campaign, the internal struggle we must be willing to wage over and over if we want to transform and achieve wisdom. Here’s the brutal truth: We cannot become our heroic best self without undergoing this campaign of inner confrontation. The greatest struggle on the road to mastery is this struggle against, and within, ourselves. It is the ultimate crucible. We must be willing to fall into the belly of the whale, time and again, endure, and call forth the hero within. The cauldron breaks us, but then it defines us. What begins as an austere wasteland is the very terrain enabling ultimate flourishing. Heroes, you see, are made, not born.
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